South America- Tangent TR- The Worst Pizza in the World

It's official. Chile has the worst pizza in the world. Holy doughballs, I've never thought pizza could be inedible, yet this stuff was odious, insufferable, vile, execrable. Fuck it's pizza, it's the easiest damn thing in the world to make. It's a universal recipe that ain't to hard to figure out. Well, somehow the Chileans never got the memo on what a pizza is. Maybe they saw a picture once and tried to interpret it. Maybe some gringo told them in broken spanish and explained it with the totally wrong words. I don't know. It's just horrendous, godawful and jaw-droppingly bad. Serioulsy 100 miles away in Argentina we ate great pizza.

Okay, so here's what it was. And take this into account, this pizza was ordered at a nice resaurant, in a nice district and it called itself a pizzeria.

The dough: It had the flavor and texture of a flavorless Wonderbread with the thickness of a wooden cutting board. It literally crumbled apart has you picked it up.

The sauce: It was ketchup!!! Seriously the tomato sauce was a thick layer of ketchup. I shit you not. Real, 100% ketchup.

The cheese: It tasted like monterrey jack but with no flavor. Oh and it wasn't melted. They cooked it enough for the outside edges to sag a little bit, but the rest was room temperature at best. The Italians cook their pizzas for 3-4 minutes in a 2000º oven. Here I think they cooked it for 3 minutes in a 200º oven.

The toppings: We ordered a Hawaiian because it's a hard one to screw up. Holy hambuckets was I wrong. There was thickly sliced raw, cold tomatoes (I guess they were trying to make up for the ketchup). There was spam ham. I literally think they sliced up a can of spam thinly and put it on. Oh it was cold two. Then it was all topped off with a giant slice of pineapple per piece. I think they put the toppings on after they pulled it out of the oven.

So there it was, the worst pizza recipe in the world. Blegh...